How to be yourself when writing "Dear Birthparent" letters

One of the most daunting tasks facing adoptive parents is how on earth to write that "Dear Birthparent" letter and to put together a profile.  How can you possibly make yours stand out?  How can you speak your heart without sounding cheesy?
Here are some tips for tackling this writing project from Becky, our FSA co-chair (who happens to have a degree in Creative Writing from the University of Arizona).

1. PRAY.  Seeking inspiration will help you know what to write.

2. Start from SCRATCH.  Do not even read what the other adoptive parents are writing or try to form your profile to match anyone else's.  Comparing yourself or taking ideas you think a birthparent might like from other adoptive couples is counterproductive.  Start with a freewrite, which is like brainstorming in sentences.  Pour everything out, and then edit later.

3. Work as a COUPLE.  It is very common for either the husband OR the wife to be the writer in the family.  When writing this important document, teamwork is essential so that both spouses are accurately represented.  One idea is to have each spouse write a unique version of the letter, then trade and highlight your favorite parts.  The spouse who may be more inclined to writing (or less frustrated by writing) can then act as editor, to piece together a new letter.   Or, you can write about each other.

4. Avoid CLICHES or stating the obvious in a plain way.  These would be things that you hear over and over that become truly meaningless to the reader.  For example, "Our hearts are full," or "You are our hero".   Trying to find the right words can be hard, so it may be helpful to use thesaurus.com and weave in your favorite words.  Use all of your senses when writing to try to explain what life in your home looks, feels, sounds, tastes, and maybe even smells like!

5. Be open-minded about your AUDIENCE.  Birth parents who will be reading your profile come from many different ages and backgrounds, with every possible personality type.  Do not pre-judge your reader! Their supportive parents, extended families, and friends may also be looking at these adoptive parent profiles.

6. Be HONEST.  Birth parents are counting on you to be honest in every possible way.  This doesn't mean you have to list your faults, but do be proud of who you are and don't try and be someone you think others would want to pick.  Try not to second guess things that you want to share about yourself.  You mustn't assume that if you write that your favorite food is onion rings, that they will expect that you don't eat healthy food ever, or that if you mention you love hunting that they will judge you for killing Bambi.

7. ILLUSTRATE your points with specific anecdotes or explanations.  Don't just list adjectives about yourself.  For example, instead of  "We are a loving couple who like playing with kids," write, "We are the craziest cub scout leaders in town.  We've introduced over 20 new cheers and have a silly song for every situation."

8.  Show a VARIETY of pictures.  Don't do all your profile pictures on the same day, show pictures that are more than a couple years old, or only show ones from weddings or tropical vacations.  Be wary of pictures that highlight your possessions like your brand new convertible or 40 room mansion; think of what you are really trying to say.  Try to include both candids (ones where you are not aware the picture is being taken) and posed pictures.  Some ideas include: show yourself at work, school, or doing your church calling, celebrating various holidays, enjoying various seasons, playing sports, cooking your favorite meal, hanging out with extended family, working on projects together, doing yardwork, etc.

9. Get FEEDBACK from people you know will be candid.  Pick someone who is NOT your close relative or best friend to read the letter to tell you what they think.  This is especially important when picking pictures, because a person tends to only focus on certain traits of him or herself when viewing snapshots.